Visited my friend today

I haven’t visited my friend in six years. She’s buried in the Veterans Cemetery. I didn’t even know she had died until two months after her funeral. This is the first year I’ve felt that I might be able to handle going to visit her. I had another friend of mine meet me there. I placed a penny atop her tombstone and sat down to talk to her for about an hour before my other friend got there. It was strangely therapeutic and I felt like she was right there with me, like old times. Now I’m weathering a thunderstorm at my mom’s house, both in reality and in my mind.

Memorial Day is difficult for me because I’ve loved and lost so many. I know better than to get close to people because the price of losing them is so high, but I can’t help it. I would rather have the good memories made to hang on to than be a hermit with no connections. Love can be such painful bliss and blissful pain! How can such a thing exist?! And we all seek it out if we’re capable of feeling it! Should we run toward it or away from it? Despite the pain, love is worth the embrace. Literally. I know this from trial and much error. Always err on the side of loving for the sake of the memories of it when loss strikes. Trust me. Regret is worse…

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