It seems that, for every one thing that goes right, at least one thing has to go wrong. Today, I’ve had several things go right. Should I worry if things go right? Sometimes I think I should be cowering in the corner in the dark, knees in my chest, rocking back and forth while waiting for the things that inevitably have to go wrong to catch up if I have a good day. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the way my life’s been going since mid-October, that’s how I feel. The stupid thing about it is that I’m always surprised and blindsided by the things that go wrong. I know they’re coming, but I’m too caught up in my little blissfully happy moment to notice the train coming down the tracks straight toward me! I guess that tells you how often I get a blissfully happy moment, doesn’t it… Not very often, I think, but then I know it takes 10 positive things to even begin to overcome one negative thing in life, and my negative things tend to be severe, chronic, and horrific in nature, so I have trouble noticing the positives sometimes.
There are a lot of positive things that go on in my life. I’m not complaining. I’m just explaining how life works for me. Maybe it works that way for everybody. I don’t know. I’m not everybody – I’m just me. I do catastrophize a fair bit, generalize the negative too much, and my thinking is rather black-and-white most of the time. I have shades of grey, but they’re not far off from black or white, if you catch my drift. That’s just me. I’m working on it really hard, and have been for years. It’s a slow process to change oneself, but I’m determined to live a happier life, and it’s improving slowly. My coping skills are improving, little by little, and someday I might even be able to cope with the average person’s stresses. That’s going to take a while, though. On the other hand, I love climbing, which is a stress that most people think is crazy! Well, count me in! I guess I’m crazy!