I think I’m quite tired of being sick!

So, on 23 January 2018, I began coming down with what would be a severe case of respiratory influenza, which would turn into a raging sinus infection for which I got antibiotics for, then to a lower respiratory infection but not quite pneumonia, and then resolve, or so I thought, into pleurisy (now referred to in modern medicine as pleuritis, or an inflammation of the pleura from such an illness as this) which would be the end of it.  I never quite got over the fatigue and malaise, and a lack of motivation and psychomotor retardation had set in as well as some dark and troubling thoughts.  I thought this due to a Major Depressive Episode.  By this time, it was the first of March 2018.  I was sick for the entirety of February 2018.  My doctor and I agreed on a short medication adjustment that would hopefully give me some relief from the symptoms of Depression that had developed both from being sick for so long, and consequently from not being able to climb for over a month.  The medication adjustments gave me some extra relief for a few days at the beginning of this month, but that extra relief vanished after a few more when we resumed my usual medication regimen.  I don’t expect that medication should solve or cure all of my problems – not at all.  There’s not a pill for everything, and there shouldn’t be – only what’s necessary in the medication and what’s beneficial with the least harm for maximum quality of life, meaning the person receiving the medication is doing their part to try to improve their life and conduct themselves in a way that justifies the medication being prescribed (ie. no abuse of the medication and taking it as prescribed, because the fact that the doctor trusted you enough to prescribe you the medication is a sacred trust, I believe, and is not to be violated).  Side effects can be just as bad as the medical condition that the medication is intended to treat.  I made a decision a long time ago – I had to – that I would take quality of life over quantity of life as far as medications were concerned.  A shorter life lived with good quality would at least be a life lived, whereas a longer life of misery would be a life squandered.  I had to make that decision because of the many medications that I take to give me some quality of life. In my twenties, after being discharged from the military, I was on 19 medications for awhile.  Nineteen different medications, and that’s not including those necessary for the occasional infections that arose.  These medications were not in low doses, either.  My conditions tend to require higher and even maximum doses of the medications chosen to tame them, which means I drink a lot of water all the time to keep my system flushed of toxins and build-up as much as possible.  Dehydration would be a serious medical issue for me.  I’m in my mid-thirties now and am down to 13 medications, which I see as major progress.  All that aside, something is still plaguing my body, whether it be purely mental, or somewhat physical in nature because yesterday and today, I have definitely been very ill.  Mental illness has physical effects, and psychological pain can make one very physically ill indeed.  This is an actual viral or bacterial attack on my body, though, to an extent.  I suspect that I’ve managed to catch the gastrointestinal strain of influenza now, since I never fully recovered from my prolonged illness in February, and bouts of Major Depression can lower your immunity, as can stress (there are studies on this).  I’ve had no shortage of stress in my life simply because I haven’t been able to climb, with the exception of a mere few days, since the 23rd of January!!!  THAT’S STRESSFUL!!!

I’ve decided I’m tired of being sick!  Sick, meaning in the viral and bacterial ailments sense of the word, although being free from mental illness would be nice, too, but I realize that’s a case of lifelong medication and management and not one to be cured.  I’ve had it with germs, is really what I’m trying to say!!!  The little buggers can just go away and leave me alone for awhile, thank you very much!!!  I’ve had my fill for the time being and I’m just rather angry that I’m having all this trouble so far this year.  I just want to climb!!!  I’m taking part in the MyClimb Celestial Winter Challenge 2018, which ends at the end of this month, and so far, the only challenge I’ve been able to complete is living through this rash of illness for this long!!!  I haven’t died yet!!!  I’d say that’s pretty darn good, haha!!!

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