Just can’t get it together

Every time I think things are okay, they fall apart again.  I’ve had a bad run this past year.  Got hit head-on by a reckless driver and broke my wrist, couldn’t climb for five months, a dear former psychiatrist friend of mine almost died, then Pop passed away the day before Easter.  Now I’m sick.  Mentally and physically.  I missed the bouldering competition due to physical illness.  The PTSD and Depression are both hitting me in full force and so is the physical symptomology that goes along with medication changes and stress.  I’ve been trying.  I really have.  I haven’t been to church for a few weeks, but I just can’t fake the smile right now.  I had a dear friend die two days after my birthday, the same day as the bouldering comp that I couldn’t go to.  It just seems like life is too much right now.  I’m going to spend the day with a friend and hope that I feel well enough physically tomorrow to go climbing.  I might go today just to spite the forces that would stop me.  There’s just a lot of pressure and stress on me right now and I feel like I’m in a pressure chamber and somebody’s really cranking it to the max.  I’m going to implode!  I just can’t get it together.  So I blog and ask you how you’re doing today to help myself and you to get through this day that may be good, may be bad, or may be just plain ugly.  So, how are you doing today?  Really.  How are you really doing?

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