Ego wars

Our ego is important to us as individuals.  Yes, every one of us has one, and it’s a vital part of our psychological lives.  Mentally, if you didn’t have an ego, you wouldn’t be “someone”.  You would “be”, but not “someone”.  Our identities are heavily tied-in here.  I’m not a psychodynamic psychotherapy expert, but I do know the basics.  Let’s talk behavior, which I’m very familiar with.  Ego.  What drives us to make decisions for ourselves and others.  And we make some stupid decisions as well as some brilliant ones with our egos.  It’s a matter of mindset.  It’s also a matter of mental function (or not).  For example, I have a mild concussion right now.  I’m mentally impaired at the moment.  Things are a little scrambled and don’t make real good sense right now.  They make sense to me, but they don’t make sense to others.  That’s a problem when you’re trying to talk to other egos (people).  My ego is taking care of me.  Their egos are taking care of them.  So we have an ego war.  Afterwards, we often wonder what on earth it was all about, anyway, and we don’t even remember how it started or why.  Ego wars.  They take a heavy toll for no good reason a lot of the time.  Push and shove.  For what?  Leverage?  Territory?  Satisfaction at the expense of another’s loss?  Why does it have to be so hard?  I can tell you why.  It’s because we make it hard!  And good ole’ Ego is right in the middle of our behaviors toward each other and ourselves.

My behaviors today have been committed mostly under duress.  That’s why I’m not climbing today.  My decision-making processes aren’t at their best (obviously, from the trail of carnage I’ve left with my relationships today), and I shouldn’t be deciding whether or not to commit to that finishing move 16 feet up on the wall if I can’t negotiate a simple conversation with my husband!  That could end up with me hitting my head again, which could mean permanent brain damage.  My doctor said I should take some naps.  So I think I’m going to follow his advice and take a nap soon.  I’m listening to some music and taking out my frustrations in my blog right now (on you, my reader, and I thank you for being there for me!).  I just want to go climb.  Climbing with a concussion and on painkillers is probably not the best decision that I could make right now, though.  It’s frustrating beyond belief…maddening, really.  My doctor said that, if I did go climbing, to make sure I’m roped up.  He said it’s important that I don’t bump my head again.  Maybe I should just roll myself up in bubble wrap with duct tape over my mouth and go climbing!!!  Or not.  I’m thinking not.  That’s probably the best decision I’ve made all day!  Second-best decision?  Nap.

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