My doctor gave me homework yesterday. “You need to climb. Take it back. It offers you some relief. That’s your homework – climb today (Friday) and tomorrow (Saturday) and the next day (Sunday).” Well, yesterday didn’t happen. Other demands were placed on my time, which there is only so much of, and I didn’t get to climb yesterday. I did, however, have time to go to the climbing gym and pick up my new Skwama climbing shoes to break in TODAY. All I have is today, and I have to make the most of it. That’s all we ever have – right now – and we need to make the most of every moment. Don’t let time slip away from you. Enjoy it. We only have a finite time on this earth. Everybody dies. We have to make the most of the time we have and live life! This last month has bee frustrating in a lot of ways, and mainly because I haven’t been able to climb and be myself. That has made me weak and I have to start over in a lot of ways because the illness has made me so weak. Today, I will climb. I will climb tomorrow, too. That way, I get my homework mostly done. Yesterday is gone, and I can’t get it back. Today, though, and tomorrow? Yes, those are yet to come! I can do my best each day and that will have to be enough until Monday. I really wish the climbing gym was open on Mondays. Monday is an odd day for me – a difficult day to deal with. Oh, well. Not to look too far into the future, as not to worry. It’s a fine balance to stay “present”. I will focus on today. On Monday, when I see my doctor, I know he’ll be pleased with the progress I HAVE made. He doesn’t focus on what I didn’t get done, or what I didn’t do. He focuses instead on what I have accomplished – my successes. If there was no success at all, we discuss why and make a plan together to help me succeed. I’m hard enough on myself without anyone else adding to the pile of guilt and shame, and he knows that. When I don’t get something done, I feel badly about it and beat myself up over it. He focuses on getting me over the “failure”, as I would call it, and getting me back on track. Dr. Nicholson is truly a great psychiatrist – the best I could possibly have!
So, in staying in the present, I’m looking forward to going climbing and breaking in my new climbing shoes today. I’m going to warm up on the easier problems and traverse some, and then project on “White Switch”, the V2 that I drew the topo for. I’m not sure about the exact beta, but that will come when I get on the problem and start working it. It really depends on how reachy it is for me. A lot of the time, I have beta that won’t work for anyone else except me, and that’s fine – it works for ME!!! So excited!!! I’M GOING CLIMBING TODAY!!!