What overwhelms you?

It’s Valentine’s Day.  A good one.  I spent it organizing my island-sized pile of stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor into boxes that my Mom and Dad are now storing at their house.  Organization overwhelms me.  It seems like such a huge task.  I know people who get overwhelmed by the height of a climb or the idea of falling.  That’s how I feel about organizing.  I like my piles sense of organization, but my husband is not a piles person.  I’m very organized in the sense that I have everything I need for a climb, for example, and I try to place it in my pack in the order that it will most likely be needed, but my sense of organization inside my truck is a pile, too.  I have a piles sense of organization in my mind.  PTSD makes most tasks requiring organization a very overwhelming prospect for me due to the high levels of anxiety I carry around all the time.  Adding organization to the pile tips mine over!!!  I have to write things down, which I never had to do before I had PTSD, in order to get them done, and then it takes me forever because I forget what I’m doing when I’m trying to write things down.  I used to have everything in its place – that was my style of organization.  Nothing was out of place.  There were no piles, no dust bunnies, no question as to where anything went…  I was rather perfectionistic in my tendencies.  Before PTSD…  Since getting PTSD in the chaos of war in the Desert, it’s been like I’m a different person.  Climbing is helping me get my life back together – to manage PTSD and actually have a life!  So what overwhelms YOU?

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