Independence Day 2017

Happy 4th of July!!!  Also know as Independence Day.  Someday, I will gain my independence.  Maybe it will be today.  Maybe my mom will realize that she can’t dictate the terms of my life to me.  Or maybe she won’t.  Maybe my older brother will help me out with that.  Hopefully he will.  My mom is definitely my grandparents’ daughter.  She grew up on a farm and worked hard, but she had older and younger siblings.  She is kind of in the middle-ish.  She is more like my grandmother every day.  Psychological castration is one way to describe it.  I knew what I was doing yesterday as far as getting around the hospital goes, but nobody would listen to me.  So then my older brother was frustrated.  I felt like he was frustrated with me.  I contacted my doctor about it later because I was so frustrated with everyone!  People, especially my family, definitely don’t understand me.  My older brother understands me, but our Bro & Sis time is getting squashed by Mom’s dictatorship.  Maybe that’s why my older brother lives so far away.  I love my mom, don’t get me wrong.  She just doesn’t consider my say in things very often. I try to be easy-going, but it really frustrates me.  Then, when I get outright angry, she wonders why and doesn’t understand.  I have to put up black-and-white boundaries (the all-or-nothing kind) to have them even exist, and I would rather not have to be that extreme about it.  The grey areas are just too hard to manage, though, because the grey is my mom’s realm and it’s like giving up the TV remote to someone who is a channel-flipper while you’re trying to watch a good show that you really want to see!  For example, I will go out to help her work in the field or do some project at home, but I have limits with my osteoarthritis.  Mom keeps pushing through, though, and I get pushed past my limit so far that one day of work out there takes a week to recover from!  I have tried to set boundaries there and have reminded her hundreds of times that I have arthritis, but it never seems to stick.  I want to be able to climb, so I haven’t been going out to help those one or two days a week because I would never be in good enough repair to climb!!!  It’s things like that.  What’s bothering me right now is that she hasn’t even considered that maybe Marc and I need some Bro & Sis time – at least I do.  I just want to have some time with my older brother to talk some things through.  Hopefully, today will be my Independence Day and Marc and I will figure out a way to get some Bro & Sis time in before he leaves tomorrow.  Hopefully…  I love my family.  I truly do.  There are just times when I need some independence!

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